Helping a Woman Who is Abused

1. Listen without judging: Tell your friend that you care and are willing to listen. If she is willing to talk, listen carefully and empathetically, in a safe place. Believe her. Never blame her for what's happening or underestimate her fear of danger.

2. Allow her to make her own decisions. As you listen, try to understand the many obstacles that keep her from leaving. Focus on supporting her in making her own decisions. Making choices for herself, even if it is stay with the abuser for now, is often the first step towards freedom. If she leaves him and then goes back, don't withdraw your support. Many battered women leave and return several times before leaving him for good.

3. Call your local battered women's program. Find out what services are available.

4. Focus on her strengths. Abused women live with emotional as well as physical abuse. Give her emotional support and help her believe she is a good person. Help her examine her strengths and skills. Emphasize that she deserves a life that is free from violence.

5. Help her make a safety plan. Your friend may decide to remain in the violent relationship or return to the abuser after a temporary separation. Do not pressure her to leave, but let her know that you are afraid for her and her children and help her consider how dangerous the violence may be. Encourage her to keep a log of what's happening to her or tell her doctor or nurse about the violence. Help her think about steps she can take if her partner becomes abusive again. Make a list of people to call in an emergency. Suggest she hide a suitcase of clothing, money, social security cards, bankbooks, birth certificates, and school records.